? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I want her autograph on my taint
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
