im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
