He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
