you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
