I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
His nipple licking is glorious
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