new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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