I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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