i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
