I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize