is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
