What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
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