You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize