Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
