he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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