Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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