I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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