How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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