I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
