I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
