I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
