When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
