I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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