I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
