The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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