I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
