saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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