who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
