i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
