his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I am one with the molecules
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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