I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize