Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
