WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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