I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
