you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
