If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
