i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
