you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
