all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
