he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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