We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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