Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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