well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
