I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
be right there i have to get my cape
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
