but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
