can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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