Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
