If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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