my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
