Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize