shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
