i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize