Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I deserve this hangover.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
