her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
