just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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