I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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