I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
this hospital has no fireball
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize