So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
