he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
