we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
