I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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