college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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