I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
