Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
