This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Too much gin, very little bucket
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
COCAINE IS GR8
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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