Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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