you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I want her autograph on my taint
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
