today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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