Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
